To think that this time a year ago my husband was home for his first R&R absolutely blows my mind. We have virtually survived what most would call pure "hell". Has it been easy? Well, in the kindest words with an answer, let me say...HELL NO. I am human, I cry just as much if not more than most spouses whose husband's are gone or deployed. I am FAITHFUL to my husband and to our vows we took on December 20, 2010, and I have no regrets, and I am thankful that he is as faithful and strong as I am. But do not get me wrong, we both have our days of depression, who wouldn't? Here I am trying to be the wife, the mom, the best friend, the rock, and the Realtor...you think it's easy??? REALLY??!!! I was living off a dual income which allowed a little bit of allowances, now I am back to one job, and full time school for the next year. I have had to completely re-budget my entire life, and it came at a really crapped up time within a week after I returned to work, post surgery. Yes, I am not happy about it. I had two jobs not only to be able to give all of us nice things, but to keep me from missing my husband. School helps, but it doesn't help pay for things, at least not at this moment. WE have weathered the crazy exes, who only the Lord knows why they enjoy badgering us, thank goodness for the ugly memories at times to keep us focused and remember WHY it never worked out, and how THANKFUL we are to have found each other.
Today, well this week has been one of those weeks where all I can do is get up, go to school, eat, go to work, come home, and try not to be depressed. I am not one to be depressed, so for this to be happening is really bothering me. I can only pray that this will stop, that I can lock us into our second home for our next adventure, and make everyone happy, to include myself....wish me luck, because I truly need it...
I was chatting with a friend of mine today within our Spouses group and realized I have NOT been on my blog in FOREVER!!! It's like ERMAHGERD!!! My stalkers have NOT been updated on EVERYTHING!! I am soooo sorry...Hahahaha...NOT really. I started this blog to let people into my life as we were making our journey to spouse-ville, family, etc...Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think people would stalk me or try to start crapola with me because I am a HAPPY WIFE with an AMAZING HUSBAND. Just because he wasn't amazing to you doesn't mean he's not to me...sounds like a little jealousy because you weren't the woman for him and he found something MUCH BETTER. OH and you ARE TIRED of hearing HOW MUCH I LOVE MY HUSBAND???!!! Then GET A CLUE, it DIDN'T WORK because YOU WEREN'T ALL THAT! My first marriage was NOT ALL BAD, we just were going in different directions with our lives. I loved being a wife and a mom, NOT everyone is made to be a parent, but it's okay. I have my boys, and I also am blessed with two labor free boys. Would I love more? YES, but it's not in the cards for us, we have BIGGER ADVENTURES ahead and I cannot wait!! I get "yanked" on about my age, or shall I say our age difference, you know what??? It doesn't BOTHER US, so WHY does it bother YOU???!!!
It has cracked me up over the past what...3-4 years now??!!! I mean seriously...am I venting right now?? YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT I AM. I go to school, I work part time, at two jobs, help take care of my exceptionally high functional Autistic son, who is going to school with me...so COOL, run our home, help pay the bills, trying to get my youngest through his Senior year, and then he wants to GO ARMY...and I still have a list of more things to do that is a mile long...COUNTING DOWN TIL WE PCS and get OUT of here!!!! Can't wait until our next adventure!!!
Our R&R was absolutely amazing...St.Augustine was absolutely beautiful, and I don't think I have ever had such a wonderful time ever. It was indescribable and words cannot express what I felt then and feel now. I am so lucky, and blessed. As usual I hated when the time came for him to leave, but seeing him off this time made things a little easier. It's NOT always easy cheesy as people think it is. Military Spouses are alone a lot of the time, we need our friends, we are very protective, and we do not take threats, nor stalkers kindly. We try to live as DRAMA FREE as possible. ALL we want is to be able to be together, be happy, and be left alone, why is that so hard for people to understand? Seriously?? Don't attack me verbally and think for one minute I am going to sit back and take it. Do not attack my children verbally and think I will sit back and take it either. I am tired of it, I am tired of bullies, whiners, and schmucks...so please stop, I would greatly appreciate it.
I am happy, I love my husband, and he loves me, and we are ready for our next adventure!!!
About TWO weeks ago, I made a much needed step forward within my life and my son's lives. I am sorry that it took as long as it did, but I am glad that I finally made it, and I pray that the step I took stays in good graces and does not blow up in our faces. So, you are reading and asking, "what in the heck has Carie done???" I called the boy's dad, you know, my exhubs....and YES, I am serious. It's been 8 years, actually 8 years too long. Don't get me wrong, My husband is an amazing man, and dad, even to our two sons that are not even biologically his. He is amazing. BUT, they still need a relationship with their father. I am not asking for miracles, but I am asking that a bridge be mended. It is going to take some time, baby steps, a lot of ups and downs, but hey, if I can handle the job of army wife, autism advocate, an friend to all, then I can surely handle, bridge mending.
With love, prayers, family, friends, and a lot of tears...the bridge must mend and be strong.
My Life as an Army Wife & Mom
