Thank You....

As we reach the end of this year, thank you for those who hated me, you made me a stronger person. Thank you for those who loved me, you made my heart bigger. Thank you for those who were worried about me, you let me know that you cared. Thank you for those who left me, you made me realize that nothing lasts forever, and thank you for those who entered my life and who never left, you made me who I am♥

New Years Resolutions...Do You Make Them???

I think we all make New Years Resolutions, do we all follow through with them completely? Chances are 50% or MORE...will say NO. My resolutions for 2010 were primarily to get my head on straight, and take care of me because I had not cared enough about me due the fact I was always pouring myself into others, and being the nurturer, where I needed to learn how to give myself some equal nurturing. SSG helped me realize that. NEVER once did he say I didn't look beautiful, but he knew that I was not happy with me as much as I could be, so he found little ways to help perk me up. WE have an Elliptical, now have I used it as much as I should...NOOOOOOOO, why, because I have been a lazy butt....I did enroll in Zumba classes, which really helped perk me up, plus I had girlfriends who enjoyed going as well. Since I moved south, I have slacked BIG TIME...who's fault is that? MINE....here I lost oodles of weight, watched what I was eating, took care of my ongoing thyroid condition of Hashimotos Thyroiditis Disease/Hypothyroidism, and now I have gained about 5lbs back...GRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!

So, what I am going to do to make it different for 2011.....NOT BE A HYPOCRITE or a LAZY BUTT! I am going to use that darn elliptical, well, after I get over the funk that my husband and children decided to share with me after I momma'd them back to health over the past week (I LOVE YOU GUYS SOOOOO MUCH)...lol. I am going to get into Zumba classes locally, I have talked to the instructor, and she sounds really great, and I cannot wait to meet her. I also train dogs...this is fun time, although I get pissy about it because I know it doesn't always sink in with what I am supposed to be doing, I swear I think I either have memory lapse or ADD...PROBABLY BOTH! HAHAHAHA! I HAVE GOT TO TAKE TIME FOR CARIE WILEMON! Wow, that looks weird...first time I have typed in the ol' married name...hahaha! 

I ALSO promise to be the BESTEST, GREATEST, WIFE to my SSG...here we just get married and his PCS tour is right around the corner. Some people, I know think I am an idiot for getting married, knowing he will be leaving....you know, that's a part of being what I take pride in which is my husband, and his job...I am a STRONG, PROUD, and FAITHFUL MILITARY WIFE. Not everyone can understand, nor do I expect them to. Why? Because, everyone isn't cut out to be a dependant wife, whose soldier leaves for work, may have to travel away, and mostly, risking his life for everyone else to keep us safe. Am I sad that my first year of marriage, my husband will be in another country? Yes, but it's his job, and while he is away, it is my job to create a new me, a bigger, stronger, empire with the kennels and obedience training, and of course raise my two beautiful boys. I am terrified more than anything, in almost three years, I haven't really been without him close by. He is my best friend, my confidant, my husband. I will be counting the days DOWN for his return!

Wow, I am getting off that soap box...so what New Years Resolutions for 2011 will everyone else make? I wish everyone a blessed and prosperous New Year for 2011. I love all of my friends and family and wish and pray for only the best within their lives. For my haters, well, I can only hope that one day you can move forward and beyond instead of looking for destruction, demise, living to lie, living in a self created fantasy world of lies, and living in the past that you destroyed because of you own insecurities that you cannot take accountability for because you are too selfish and technically a weak, pathetic soul, that cannot love or be loved because you chose that path.

Yeah, there I go again, gotta love the idea of blogging and if you are me...being a total flake and ranting and raving...hahahaha....

HAPPY NEW YEARS 2011...I HOPE YOU HAVE A BEAUTIFUL YEAR!!! I will keep you updated on my resolutions and...  MY LIFE AS AN ARMY WIFE .....  =)

Merry Christmas....

WHY and HOW is it that the holidays can be sooo stressful? Actually it wasn't too bad. I am sad that my youngest has gotten sick. Being Asthmatics can bite at times to say the least. I have been helping him fight off Bronchitis the entire weekend. Christmas Eve was okay, I always get sad or pouty around Thanksgiving and Christmas because I am not with my parents who ALWAYS made HUGE deals out of these holidays, but I know and understand that they cannot always come down. Two years straight I went home, so I am hoping by next year we can find a mutual holiday where we can all be together. My parents are not getting any younger, my boys are getting older, and family is VERY IMPORTANT to me as they and my hubs knows. I have my family here and in TN.

Christmas Day was fun, tearing open gifts, the boys still have me make cookies for Santa for Christmas Eve, we are a family filled with love. We may not have a lot, but love is the best gift of all.

I hope everyone had a beautiful Christmas, filled with love and blessings.

Holidays....

I have not blogged in quite sometime, and I have sooooooooo much to share, BUT I shall be waiting on the BIG NEWS until AFTER the holidays.

My two teens are still as excited as they were as when they were little boys, yes, they will always be my little boys, BUT having the knowledge and joy that they still appreciate and love Christmas as much as then, just makes me happy. I taught them... "IF YOU BELIEVE YOU RECEIVE".... we still believe. Colt actually reminded me that I MUST make cookies for Santa! LOL... It will be a first for us to all share the holiday together...our first Christmas I went to Nashville, SSG and I had just started dating, last year, he had just purchased his new home in which we will be sharing our first together Christmas in 7 days!!!

No traditional meal planned, actually, I am going with what my Granny would have done, well it's what she did do a few times...Three Cheese Ravioli made from scratch...I already have sauce premade, & the remainder of the ingredients in the fridge...I cannot wait!!! It's time we create our own Family Traditions in the Wilemon House...and that is what I intend to do =)

Merry Christmas, Feliz Navidad, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, Happy Holidays.....I wish for all of our friends and family to have a blessed and beautiful season.

Beautiful Weekend!!!

Friday, October 8th, 2010 was BEAUTIFUL! I must say I was on pins and needles...why? Well, let me rewind...it was SSG's Military Police Ball!!!(actually politically speaking it was the Directorate of Public Safety First Responder Ball) We had never attended a formal gathering together, let alone a formal gathering amongst not only his soldiers, his peers, and also those over him, to include his Commander. So, this was a HUGE deal, and it was a true test of us together in this type of political setting.

He was a nervous wreck, so I did not have the time to be a wreck because it would have made things worse. We got home from work, scooped up our attire for the evening, packed our overnight bags so that we could stay close to post since we knew we would be celebrating and toasting, and headed out the door to Fort Rucker, AL. Checked in to our hotel....next time I want a room with a huge tub, GREAT FRONT DESK CLERK!!! I need to get her name and give her HUGE KUDOS to her Manager. We both got ready, he zipped me up...DIDN'T need the Spanx!!! I had actually slimmed down a little more than I was 3 weeks ago, and he looked at me....at that moment I felt like the pretty girl, and he told me I was beautiful...all googly eyed :)

OMG!!! He was soooo handsome in his Blues! AND HOT!!! OMG!!! Lol!!! My dress was Ivory, and I actually was the ONLY person there in Ivory...thank you Calvin Klein for making my beautiful formal gown, and I LOVED MY IVORY SEQUIN FLIP FLOP SANDALS( and thank you to my SSG for purchasing them for me!!!! My feet never hurt, and they were cute :)

I think we made and make a great looking couple, I had my Prince at my side, and I got to have my "Princess" moment or shall I say evening. OH YES, I will be posting our pictures taken at the ball, unfortunately my computer in co-ordination with Kodak Easyshare ATE the pictures off of my camera, so all my candid shots were lost...

We sat at Table 11, there were four couples including us, I met his co-workers and superiors that I had only heard of, saw co-workers that I had already met previously, joked around, met some really sweet wives, and girlfriends...we were both comfy, and it was great! These are the people that I felt I needed to know, sure I am ONLY the girlfriend, BUT, if something was to happen, these are the people I need to know. I LOVED having wives and girlfriends to chat and laugh with, and of course I was cutting up with the guys just as much. Rocky was at ease, which made me at ease, and for our First Formal Function...we ACED it!!!

Dinner was nice...BUT, the toasting wine (SOOO GROSS), I would have rather sucked on a dirty sock, but hey...you can't win 'em all on that one!!! Hahaha!!! They had a slide show, talked, we tried NOT to fall asleep...just kidding...well, maybe not...then they had these awesome gift baskets to give away. Everyone who was in attendance was eligible...three baskets for women, and three baskets for men...pretty cool, the coolest part was I WON THE LAST BASKET!! Woot Woot!!! SSG probably won't admit it, BUT he was excited too :) It was awesome with TONS of Clinique products!!! What girl doesn't love Clinique??!! Happy BodyWash...everyone knows if I am not wearing my signature scent of Falling in Love, then I wear Happy Cologne so HELLO!!!

I really couldn't believe I won!!! Loved it, even though there was a non welcome comment made in regards to me directly to SSG...pretty rude and tasteless, none the less, an apology was made to SSG, but just remember KARMA is naughtier than me. Other than the jealousy comment(yeah, I said jealousy...WHY?? Because WE LOOKED FAN-TABULOUS, and not everyone could look as good as we did :) !!!

Sunday we attended a BBQ and had a great time with the soldiers & spouses/girlfriends, again...this time the guys played poker, I giggled, played with the Rose's daughter, she was soooo squeezable and cheruby...love it!!! Again, an ugly comment was made, BUT not by the same person, and THIS TIME...EVERYONE heard it...this time the apology was NOT forgiven by me...I hate it for his soldier because he will be hating life FOREVER now....HAHA! KARMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (The comments made are in regards to the fact that I am OLDER than my soldier...big WHOOP!?!)

SSG & I are a VERY POWERFUL COUPLE. We support each other 100%...we are strong and have overcome MANY obstacles in our two years together. We have dealt with some crapola, BUT we have ALWAYS come out ON TOP because we are STRONG & POWERFUL! We complement each other and strive to do better, along with never giving up. If it wasn't for him, I would not have the things I do, including wisdom, and love in my life. He says the same about me, but neh, he's tough, he just had to be reminded that it takes a REAL, INSECURE, LOSER to knock him down and make him feel as though he's not good enough. He's better than anyone I have ever met as a man, a friend, and as my amazing boyfriend...oh yeah, he's my boss too with Dog Training...I HAVE THE BEST OF ALL WORLDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love my SSG!!!!

I HATE AUTISM TODAY... :(

o·ver·whelm (vr-hwlm, -wlm)


tr.v. o·ver·whelmed, o·ver·whelm·ing, o·ver·whelms

1. To surge over and submerge; engulf: waves overwhelming the rocky shoreline.

2. a. To defeat completely and decisively: Our team overwhelmed the visitors by 40 points.

    b. To affect deeply in mind or emotion: Despair overwhelmed me.

3. To present with an excessive amount: They overwhelmed us with expensive gifts.

4. To turn over; upset: The small craft was overwhelmed by the enormous waves.
 
OVERWHELMED...have you ever woke up to a beautiful morning, thinking I am going to have a great day ONLY to be hit with this enormous cloud where you become completely OVERWHELMED with emotion because your CHILD has betrayed you??!! I stress the word child because at this point young man does not seem fitting nor appropriate for his behavior....I HATE AUTISM!!!??!!! I hate the fact that my child is TRAPPED in a body that he cannot completely understand.
 
I am NOT making excuses, BUT I do know that the mind works differently with an Aspie with MAJOR OCD, than a normal person. An Aspie with OCD is similar to a crack addict needing a fix and will do whatever it takes to get that fix...just the case with Chaz.
 
Corrections are absorbed differently in the brain of an Aspie/Autistic child. They're NOT STUPID, their brains just reciprocate MUCH DIFFERENTLY.
 
Chaz had the computer taken away because of his severe ONLINE GAMING addiction. Gaming is more important than his online studies, or any studies for that matter, so, I HID IT in our bedroom, he KNOWINGLY fished through the bedroom until he found it, NOT HIS BEDROOM, my & SSG's bedroom....NOT COOL, but in an Aspie's mind with OCD, he is focused on that he WANTS, NOT on what is right from wrong, and the punishment aspect of the incident.
 
At this point, there is NO computer, at all, and I am so ANGRY, MAD, HURT...I cannot explain it. He KNOWS BETTER!!!! He's NOT STUPID, but CRAP!!! OCD, Aspergers, Autism...leave my son alone!!! I am TIRED OF IT!!!! I have fought and advocated for soooooo long that I AM TIRED! I am at my WITS END! I want a break, I want my son to be able to think clearly, and be able to deviate right from wrong OVER OCD's idea of RIGHT and WRONG.
 
I have the BEST support team imaginable between my SSG, my parents, and my SSG's dad...even Jake was helpful when he was here. WHY can I not help my boys move forward??? The umbilical cord is cut, I want them to be men, good men, and succeed, but I do not know how to guide them, and every way I think is right turns out wrong...I NEED A MANUAL!!! HOW TO KEEP FROM GOING INSANE FROM RAISING TEENS...no wonder MY HAIR IS FALLING OUT!!! OMG!!!
 
Well, at this point, punishment has begun, and now I must face the day at work, force a smile upon my face, I HATE STARTING OFF MY MORNING BAD!!! It started off soooo good when SSG left for work, smiles, kisses...now this...I HATE AUTISM
 
 
 

Home again...where he belongs... :)

I am so glad that his cruise went well..BUT I am more glad that he has returned home safe, and I really don't care that I am sounding selfish, but he returned home to ME :)

He said he drove pretty swiftly (like that choice of words??!! LOL) in one of the vans, while I am gathering the other van, was waaaayyyyy behind. Met up off I-10, came home, and played "catch up"...haha. Having to re-construct the training schedule. I hate to say it, but in some ways, I need a break. The boys need assistance with their FL online courses, I have a full time job, plus my responsibility/job here at the house, and the AKC class we are taking to gain certification....I am getting burnt out and I am starting to hate life. BUT then I have this breath of fresh air that convinces me that I need to keep my head up, continue with this, because while he's on his PCS tour, I am going to need something to keep me occupied as much as possible, aside from work.

I am lucky, I never thought about being a dog trainer, I was the one on the other side with the medicine aspect...it's been an amazing learning experience, and I am so blessed and honored that SSG has chosen me to learn under him and with him. He is an amazing trainer/handler. I watch him in amazement. Plus, he is just awesome to look at anyway...he's my boyfriend I can say that!!! LOL!!

SUPS is next...boooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo is what I say to it, but he's got to go, he has to stay on track for his career, and I fully support it. That's just a part of being what we all know I am .... A MILITARY GIRLFRIEND. No one said it would be easy, I never assumed it would be either, heck I have been a military wife. You take the good with the bad, if you cannot handle it, get out...the dependant life is NOT for everyone. We have nothing to claim as girlfriends, they don't call us if something happens to our soldier that we love, because we are a girlfriend...not acknowledged, sadly.

Counting down the days til the ball...woot woot!!! My dress is ready, the dry cleaners made sure it looks spotless...a little tanning bed time, don't need to get too dark, just a little color to complement the dress. My shoes came in that he ordered for me...they match soooo perfectly. I still have to get my necklace repaired that the o-ring popped on, I have never taken that necklace off since he purchased it for me, so I feel weird without it. Hair time on Wednesday...this will be interesting....we will figure out something for me to have for Friday, I am sooo tired of it, I say cut it, not short, but a few inches wouldn't be too missed.

Watching Saturday night college football is UBER depressing right now, so I think blogging is good therapy...hahaha!!!

Missing You....

They say that the heart grows fonder during a separation...I AGREE. But will my heart burst when he has to PCS for ONE YEAR?? A week and I am like the kid in the candy store being told by her mom to WAIT a few more days. Needless to say, he will be home in a few days...(why is John Waite's "Missing You" playing in my head??)

Oh, let me back up here...where is SSG?? LOL...on the BOSS cruise...had timing been better along with spare funds, I promise you, I would be with him, but this is a good thing. We have dogs to work, he needs stress reflief from EVERYTHING he has endured over the past 6 months or more, and next weekend is the MP Ball...OUR TIME.

Right now, the bed is cold...I don't like that, but it has been cleaned and organized...I am sure he will re-organize it the SSG WAY...lol, dogs are being maintained by moi, and my heart is filled with happiness...

Unfortunately we cannot contact each other all day, ONE MINUTE on the INTERNET on the ship is almost $2.00...ONE MINUTE!!  If he tries to use his cell, it's $6.00 per MINUTE!!!! So, ONE email a day, I figure, the way I elaborate, it will cost him close to $3.00, but it's detailed, and as his does, it includes I LOVE YOU...that's all I need.

Wow...

Is it my imagination or is 2010 just flying by? My mom and dad always told me that as we get older times passes much faster. They were NOT joking. My boys are not babies anymore, they are teenagers from HELL at times, I mean seriously...CHAZ IS A SENIOR!!!??? Holy crapolie! My SSG has a cruise in a week...ugh....then SUPS from the end of October to November...then his PCS is around the friggin corner! AND that's me leaving out Thanksgiving and Christmas...which I want to cook for Thanksgiving, and maybe head to Nashville for a week a Christmas, but who knows!?!?!

My new job is going okay, a lot of adjustments make things not always so comfy, plus having to reprogram myself to not offer suggestion as once requested before. NO PHONE CALLS AT WORK....PERIOD...if you're not bleeding to death, or it's not an EMERGENCY, do not ask for me....do not text me, CALL ME ONLY DURING MY LUNCH ON MY CELL( it's kept in my locker at work until I clock out) which by the way is from 12pm-1pm..otherwise, AFTER 7pm. YES, I have gotten into trouble over these things and it's embarrassing, but then again, I have never had an employer get po'ed over a quick phone call made to me, or the boy's doctor's office calling me back to confirm whether or not they need to be seen, I mean seriously! I CANNOT MAKE the doctor's office call me back from 12-1 all the time, and if they get my voice mail on my cell, it is their JOB to make contact with me even if it means calling my work....my oldest is AUTISTIC!!!! OH, and the school called to update about Chaz' IEP Meeting that will be scheduled soon, yeah, got in trouble for that one too....as you see I am taking accountability, and also stating what I cannot be doing while on the clock, even though I want to call everyone out who checks their messages constantly, or gets personal calls on their cellular that's kept in their pocket or somewhere on them...and NO it's not any of the doctors....BUT I WON'T...even though I just did without naming names....hmmmmmm....I am not bitter, I just think all employees whether the newbies or oldies should have to follow the same rules.

RIP~London

This has absolutely NOTHING to do with my norm...I had to find a home for my kitty, or actually Colt's kitty, London...considering the move, merging the households...blah, blah...we couldn't keep her...GORGEOUS Himalayan Linx Point...and sooooooooo cute, loved men...and sooo prissy.

So, I had a sweet lady call my work looking for a cat for her kids...well SHUT MY MOUTH...I have a great one for you!!! Told her all about London, and offered to have her vaccines updated, they were due, bathed, and groomed, she had become a wee but skanky from being outdoors...I was about to make a lady's children sooo happy. It was agreed she would pick her up on Friday afternoon. Thursday night I had the boys crate her, and on Friday morning when I was swapping carriers, I noticed she was walking WEIRD. I had no clue why, and all I could think was GREAT...WTH??!!!  So, I took her into work because...I PROMISED this lady a cat, PLUS...MY CAT had NEVER had anything wrong with her, so here we go to work. I told them to do whatever necessary to make her well.

Long story, made short.....London was attacked by a dog and sustained FOUR HUGE PUNCTURE WOUNDS, DISLOCATED LEFT BACK LEG, and was in IMMENSE PAIN. She was heavily sedated(maybe too heavily in my mind to be brutally honest, BUT I am NOT the one with DVM behind my name, so I cannot say)...I gave her to her new mom and family, and I told her to contact me, and let me know how she does, and if she has any problems, to call me no matter what.

I received a text message at 1:30am, today....London had died. She never came out of the sedation. I have never felt more horrible in all my life. I cannot stop crying over this!!! Could this have been prevented? I am sure it could have, but I never could find anyone to take her until now. I am trying to find the mom and kids a new kitty, I owe her that much. Maybe I should have begged for a necropsy, BUT what would it have proved? Possible more damage than thought, too much sedation???? All I know is I am so miserable and upset over this.

Anyone that knows me, knows I do not handle death well, and this blog proves it, because I am mourning over my cat...yes, I still have Trip my three legged wonder....it's how and what happened to London that has me torn up....

How WE TRULY BEGAN......

My bestie from high school asked me today for some advise on dating a younger man, in giving her my thoughts, of course my BIG MOUTH created a novel, BUT this "novel" tells it all, hopes, fears....my relationship of being PROUD to be called my SSG's Girlfriend...I have to share...

Rocky(SSG) just turned 25 THIS MONTH...I don't have a problem with the age difference. At first I was VERY worried, then, after I thought about it and remembered he was the one that asked me out and persued me...I figured, if he doesn't care about the age thing, then why should I? We both have two boys, neither of us want anymore kids, he doesn't like girls his age or younger because they are drama queens, and let's face it...men MY AGE are either SCORNED, BURNT OUT, or have FAILED at relationships or marriage sooooo many times, and probably still WANT CHILDREN of their own. The GIRLS(not women) his age & younger, want kids of their own, because they haven't had any yet, or they're sooo insecure that they are too clingy because they cannot accept that he has children that need him at times too, and ex wife/gf that may be contacting him about the child.


I honestly THOUGHT I knew what being in love was, and what unconditional love was BEFORE I met him, I didn't. Rocky and I took everything with baby steps. I fell for him fast and early, but had to hide it out of fear of him running away from the idea. We met online through www.plentyoffish.com , well he found me there, (HAHAHA...that's a funny one for us to both admit) ...we became phone buddies & texting buddies. I was the girl"friend" that he could talk to, of course later would give me crapola because I was scared to meet him face to face...HELLO...Chunkarella HERE!!! I was 40+lbs heavier than I am now, and I couldn't bare the thought of rejection...AGAIN.....Failure and I do NOT get along...
 
We talked and texted from April 2008 until we met face to face Novemeber 15,2008...the day after my 41st bday. It was wild, we clicked instantly...it was awesome and he was the best person I had waited for, I knew there was a reason I had waited. With his age there has been drama here and there, because at "our OLD ages", respectively,(LOL)... we have gotten into our own grooves and routines, and forgot in some ways how "free" we were in imagination and lives at 25, even though I was an Army Wife at 25, with one baby. We started dating cautiously after 11/15/2008, and respectively. By December he slept over once in a while, or I went to his apartment, but not a lot. Before I went home to Nashville, for Christmas, he asked me not to date anyone else, nor would he, and that he wanted me to decide when I was ready to move forward, and that he did not want our relationship to end up being based only on one thing...
 
I agreed, went home for two weeks, talked to him at least 2 times a day everyday while home...my feelings grew, as did his(I think). It was after New Years Day 2009 that I decided it was "time"...AND, am I glad I waited. Then we had some drama to deal with, possible deployment, drama, drama, more drama, TDY, drama....He told me he loved me for the FIRST time this Mother's Day 2010...almost two years after we began dating. I had a few of my guy friends tell me it shouldn't have taken so long(AND THEN THEY COMPLAIN to me about being in SAD RELATIONSHIPS/MARRIAGES themselves), then I had a few other of my guy friends tell me, they RESPECTED & were IMPRESSED over the fact that he truly didn't want to rush, or just say it out of passion or the heat of the moment and then regret it later.(They are my guys friends who are in GREAT MARRIAGES...imagine that one...hmmmmmmmmmmm)....


I love him with all my heart, BUT.... I will tell you, us merging households in the past few weeks has been HORRIBLE!!!
 
We both went through divorces, drama crazy, destructive, abusive, rebound relationships, BEFORE we met, and I think the walls that we built to never be hurt, though broken down by each other, were not broken down 100%, so we are fighting ourselves and each other over those last remaining bricks of independance fearing we could lose ourselves completely. I am so scared that the baby steps we have taken to get to this point are going to blow up in our faces because we are both so friggin stubborn, and both swore we wouldn't share the same roof unless marriage was in the air...now we are fighting our own selves and each other. Would I marry him? In a NY Minute, because I know he's my soul mate, and I have never felt this way about anyone. He's my BEST GUY friend, and he won my crazy, damaged heart, and I would be honored to be the one he called his wife. I am so proud to even be his girlfriend!!!! WHY??? Because he's a man, he's MY KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOUR....
 
BUT...he's afraid to get married and go through the idea of losing himself, which I do not see happening to him because we both need and have our own friends, and our "together friends". His "friends/co-workers" give him A LOT of NEGATIVITY which in turns scares him away from the committment, and I wish they would take a HUGE sip of HUSH! AND these people(SOME OF THEM at least) are married, or in marriages where they are miserable, which I think they in some ways envy him and our relationship because despite ALL of the nagativity and drama we have had thrown at us/me, or our way...we overcame it because we loved each other enough to see it through, UNLIKE MOST marriages and relationships today....WE were raised with VALUES, MORALS, and taught to CHERISH & RESPECT the relationship, because whAt we have honestly I believe, comes but ONCE in a lifetime...I know fairy tail-ish, BUT I believe in this with him, no matter how terrified I am...
 
Don't JUMP into anything too quickly, take your time, be friends first and foremost, enjoy each other as learn about each other's likes and differences. He and I like believe it or not, A LOT of the same movies, OLD & NEW(yeah OLD to him is the 80's...HAHAHAHA!!!)...music, he found a liking in Antique stores, and winerys, and our decorating styles work and compliment each other...


BE HAPPY, DON'T ASK WHY OR HOW...BE YOURSELF & ENJOY...I am :)

Here I BLOW.....

Well, HAPPY SUNDAY! Lol!!! It has been a bit since I ranted or raved about something...sorry. This has been a pretty interesting and down weekend for me. Friday my boys went to a lock in at our church from 7pm that evening to 7am Saturday morning. As we ALL know, my SSG and I do NOT live together, so ANY time I can emmerse myself within him is very special and happy times. SO, when I mentioned the wonderful time we could spend( I got off work Friday at 12pm) together...he HAD PLANS!!!???!!! Okay, pardon me but UGH??!!! Can we say, I was NOT HAPPY to hear this?? So, I spent a very LONELY Friday night at home playing "SL" on FB, and tweeting( I LOVE ALL OF MY FB, SL, & Twitter Friends!! ). Went to work open to close Saturday, and once off work had to take my teens and the neighbor's daughter to a Masquerade 16th Birthday Party for a mutual friend of theirs...the good thing? I took them, so the neighbor's picked them up. AGAIN, I sat at home BY MYSELF, while my sweet little SSG was at his house. STILL NOT HAPPY. So, am I asking too much out of my boyfriend of OVER a YEAR??? I don't think soooo! When I hint around that maybe he is finding ways to further pre-occupy his time which will allow us LESS time together, he says he's not, but looking for job security once he's out of the Army(unsure at this time if he's wanting to re-enlist), and things that will allow him more income for US...that's GREEEAAAAATTTTTTT...but why am I suffering...or am I being SELFISH???!!! If we lived together(he asked me to move in and I declined...), it wouldn't be a huge deal because no matter what, at the end of our workdays we would see each other, BUT when you live separately, you want to GRAB what few moments you can have together.  So today I am off, he is at work, and TOMORROW we are BOTH OFF....do we have plans??? I do not know, I am afraid to ask, and afraid to assume, because I do not like dissappointment.  It would be nice to know what...or if anything is planned for tomorrow, BUT then again...GUILT TRIPS are sometimes needed in a relationship when one partner is feeling ignored or unappreciated. AGAIN....AM I BEING SELFISH??? I feel in some ways I may be, but then again, NO I DON'T! I know, oh WHOA AS ME...poor little girlfriend, I should appreciate what I have...and I DO, I just would really like to see more of him, then just the time he gets off work, stays at my house after work, only for me to get up and have to leave for work, and he leaves and goes home... :(
I want QT(Quality Time), spending the day together, going to a park, movies, playing putt putt....I don't think that is too much to want or ask for. I always fear that he will become complacent, and I think without realizing it, he is...he's forgetting the little things you need to do to keep the relationship in mode, or going. I take him lunch when he's at work if I can, I leave him little notes...he needs or should maybe try to take more initiative as well..BUT....HOW can I get him to do that without sounding like a complete brat? GEEZ!!!!! Soooooooooooo much of a headache creator I am. I think I may give myself one...lol.

I love him to pieces, BUT somedays I just want to SMACK him!!! Hahaha...I guess I will just have to wait and see what tomorrow entails.....

Flowers...When SIZE matters to some....

My SSG just saw my bouquet in person for the first time last night when he stayed with me after working all day yesterday...he says "they're NOT as BIG as I expected them to be".....WHAT??!!! Are you kidding me??? NO, he wasn't...he expected the arrangement to be much bigger...shook his head, and said, "I'll just have to do better next time"...He KILLS ME! I love my flowers, and I cannot wait to start dryin them out and saving them as I did my arrangement last year.

Hope that everyone had a beautiful weekend, and I hope that everyone is having a good week so far...today started the first day of Lent, it is ASH WEDNESDAY...I am sticking to my NutriSystem, go to TWO Zumba classes a week, and no wine...my sacrifices and self improvement.

Happy Valentines Day 2010

I know it has been a bit since I have blogged, I guess in a lot of ways I have been keeping to myself. I am having my second Valentine's Day with my SSG, and he did it again, even better than last year...the day was almost over and this delivery girl approaches the front desk at Banfield, of course, she requests me by the WRONG NAME, and also asked for our Doctor....he sent me the MOST BEAUTIFUL 24 ROSES I have EVER seen!! Multi colored...does that mean anything??? Does each color represent his thoughts towards me? OR does it matter? Am I being a total "ROSE GEEK"???? Anyway, they are beautiful and SO very unexpected. Church in the morning...they're having a Youth Bake Sale...I made a ton of cookies, but never heard from anyone at the church, so I guess we will be attending the EARLY service so I know that they will be able to use them in the sale.

Happy Valentine's Day to everyone...oh yes, the mammogram came back okay, and I CANNOT get the nurse practitioner to return my calls on my pappers that is supposedly questionable...grrrrrr, just pray for me that maybe it's a misread or maybe it's just a cautionary result.....

I am sharing my flowers with everyone.... :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my FIRST BORN!!!

Today is Chaz' 17th birthday...I cannot believe the time has gone by so quickly. I never believed until recently that as we age, time flies...it is sooo true. This is my child that was born BEFORE Super Bowl Sunday, I begged Dr. Joe Michael Edwards to induce me, and he did...lol. He was my easy delivery, on going epidural, never felt pain, and honestly couldn't tell when I was pushing or if I was pushing...okay, yeah...TMI there. Chaz has been my blessing and miracle all wrapped into one HUGE gift, that I thank God for everyday, even though I sometimes feel I am the worst mom on the planet. At age two, I was informed by the ARMY Developmental Pediatrcian that Chaz was VERY AUTISTIC, and that I shouold be prepared for the worst. "Mrs. Walser, I cannot promise you that your son will talk, he will probably not graduate high school, and will most likely need assisted living for his entire life...I am sorry"...WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!???????????? Here I was with my now EXHUBS, sitting in a 8x8 office after driving the night before from Ft.Rucker, AL to the AF Base in Biloxi, Mississippi(6hr drive), no sleep, the friggin door wouldn't shut to the room completely so I did not feel safe, Colt was all of 2 months old, Chaz had just turned two, and AFTER WAITING FOUR HOURS in a lobby with screaming children for my son's much awaited(we were on a wait list for two months to get an appt) 10AM APPOINTMENT, this TWIT with a license to PRACTICE MEDICINE, looks at my son opening and closing drawers, okay I thought that was normal for a two yr old, offers him two puzzles which Chaz quickly solves, observing him for UNDER 15minutes, and gives me that DIAGNOSIS???!!!! F-YOU Mr.DEVELOPMENTAL PEDIATRICIAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOW DARE you!!!! The entire 6 hour drive back home, my now EXHUBS is in denial, I am crying, and getting more and more angry over what the doctor said, and at my now exhubs, who himself is dyslexic and like bi-polar or something like that the the military labeled him with once I filed for divorce...I went straight to Dothan Pediatrics, spoke with Dr.James C.Wiley who up until a year ago was the boy's primary pediatrician, and asked..."WHAT CAN I DO???!!!" Thank you Dr. Wiley for all of your help, support, and guidance(by the way he now practices in MOBILE,AL & we sooo miss him!)...between him and Jule Scott(EPI/Therapist ay Lyster Army Hosp), they pointed me in the right direction and placed me on the path of NO RETURN for Chaz.

Today, Chaz Tenzel-Walser is 17yrs old...he is a JUNIOR at DALE COUNTY HIGH SCHOOL, which is the grade in which he is supposed to be in...he does have an IEP, BUT is NOT in Special Education Classes, NOR is he in Assisted Living...HOWEVER he IS on track for his HONORS DIPLOMA, SPEAKS WELL, is CURRENTLY LEARNING SPANISH, PLAYS MIRACLE LEAGUE BASEBALL, AND IS A TRUMPET SECTION LEADER in the DALE CO HS MARCHING BAND, and he MARCHED in the AUBURN UNIVERSITY HONORS MARCHING BAND!!! He has played the trumpet since he was 12!!!! So has MY SON CONQUERED THE  VERY AUTISTIC DIAGNOSIS??? In some ways YES(he's actually ASPERGERS-HIGHLY FUNCTION AUTISM)...he does go to therapy to deal with the frustrations that come with Autsim/Aspergers, his issues with his "I CHOOSE NOT TO BE A PART OF YOUR LIFE, FATHER" AND....his progress is amazing, his doctors are my LIFELINE, and I am an UNLOCKING AUTISM STATE REPRESENTATIVE for ALABAMA...I would love to see that Developmental Pediatrician and say REALLY??? You think you were right??? BITE ME!!! My son ROCKS!!!! Even if Chaz had not overcome the obstacles he has, he still ROCKS!!!! Am I a PROUD mom??? YOU BET YOUR SWEET BUTTCHEEKS I AM!!!

MIRACLE LEAGUE Baseball season starts soon, and I cannot wait! He loves playing, and his brother Colt is his Buddy/Volunteer...it's awesome!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHAZ!!! One day you will probably read my BLOG, and when you do, I hope and pray that you will know how much you mean to me, how much I LOVE YOU, no matter how much of a HARDBUTT I have been on you...I only pushed you to help you reach the goals that I KNEW you could achieve...YOU ARE A BLESSING, and your Grandmother Goo was right...GOD loaned you to me, because he knew I was STRONG enough to be here for you, fight for you, be your advocate, help you,  and love you UNCONDITIONALLY...I LOVE YOU!!!!!

William Chazman Tenzel-Walser, born January 27,1993 at Centennial Medical Center, Nashville, TN 6:18pm to Carie Frances Tenzel-Walser & Lewis Allan Walser(exhubs)

AMAZING WEEKEND!!!!!

I had a wonderful getaway weekend in Nashville from 01/08-01/10. Vandy/Gators SEC Basketball game & NHL Predators game. My SSG had never been to either type of game, so I feel like the pretty cool girlfriend to introduce him to both within the same day & on his first trip home with me. My parents love him...hello??!!! I knew they would! I am so lucky & blessed to have him in my life! I am still just trying to figure out how I got so lucky!!! UPDATE from doctors appt that took place on Thursday. So far so good. It will take 2-3 weeks for the Cervical Cancer screening/test results to return, and my Mammogram is scheduled for Monday, January 18th. I hate the tests/pap thing from Thursday, so as far as I am concerned, the worst testing was done then. No matter what, I have excellent support from my co-workers, friends, my family in Nashville, and my SSG. I have posted tons of pics on FB & My Space from our little trip...KUDOS to the Hampton Inn on Elliston Place in Nashville,TN!! OMG!!! Our suite...#712 was AMAZING!!! AND of course I forgot to take pictures of it! I have already reserved the room for April when I plan to return during the boy's Spring Break! Yay!!!

So I am going to cut this short, and head to bed soon. Even though I do not have to be into work til 1pm tomorrow, I want to rest. I am still tired from the drive yesterday...Much love, and keep me in your prayers until all my test results are back!!!

Praying.....

I have tried to keep quiet, but my closest friends are some with whom I work, so they are aware that today is a very nerve wracking day for me. About a month ago I found a lump. I have fybroid cystitis, and have dealt with this since I was a teen, but never have a felt a true knot, or lump. I even begged my boyfriend to tell me if I was imagining things, which apparently I am not. So, my appointment to be checked is today, the day before I travel home for a weekend get away to Nashville with my SSG(boyfriend), and my boys, the three amazing men in my life. I am a wreck I tell you...scared crapless! Cancer runs on BOTH sides of the family, breast, ovarian...you name it, we got it...heart disease, thryoid disease...I swear the Tenzel's, Archie's, and Veltri's are walking medical conditions, thank goodness to technology though. My appointment is at 12:30pm TODAY, full physical exam, head to toe. Now anyone that truely knows me, knows I am honestly NOT A SICKLY PERSON, I may be fluffier than normal...lol, but I refuse to be sick. So please keep my in your prayers that todays visit will just show that it was a cyst being ugly to me, and that I am cancer free from head to toe. I have no insurance, our charter does not offer it, not can I afford the rate for my age group, and the deductables are ungodly!!! Just pray, I am praying...I hope to give my parents somewhat of good news when I head home tomorrow....