I am a Mom, Strong & Proud...

Happy Mother's Day to all of my family and friends. It is a blessing to be given the opportunity to be a mom. From the first hearing of the heartbeat in the doctor's office, the first glimpse in the ultrasound, the first kick, and now, to where I stand with my FIRST BORN about to graduate high school, and his brother is not far behind! It's not that I feel old, but I sometimes wonder, was I the best mom? Did I make his childhood great? What could I have done better? Was being a single parent bad? Have I guided them properly? I have tried so hard.....

Since March 21, 1996, I have raised my boys in Alabama, pretty much on my own. Their dad was great with them, until the Summer of 2000. That was the WORST summer of my life. I never imagined or fathomed that my boy's dad, would not want to return them home to me, their mom. After finally having them released to my dad and step dad, they missed the first week of school, I promised nothing like that would happen again. We went to court a little over a month later, and he was immediately ordered visitation to be supervised ONLY. I couldn't trust him anymore, and it hurt. It hurt our boys most of all. It was a year later before he even exercised his visitation rights, then within a month he stopped visiting again because it did not work with his schedule, nor his wife, according to him, as he told this to me and our sons on his last visit after an orthodontist appointment where he agreed to keep up his end of the divorce decree and pay for half of the braces for BOTH boys.( Yeah, I AM PAYING for the braces, NOT him, nor has he EVER paid for 1/2 of ANY medical, co-pays, extra curricular wants or needs...NOTHING!!!)  I tried and have tried over the years to keep the lines of communication open with him and the boys, BUT as year after year went on, he did not come around, the phone calls became less, and less, the bridge was burned. IT IS ALL MY FAULT!!! (apparently) I am blamed, NOT by my sons, they know I have tried, I have NEVER lied nor kept him from them. Do I have evidence that it is NOT my fault???? Why YES I do...in writing. The harassment, the threats, the rude, hurtful, statements made, not only to me, BUT also to my sons by their biological father, his mother, and his wife, about me...against the divorce decree...nice.

My sons are 16 & 18, they are not stupid, but yet I think some feel that they do not know the entire truth of the matter, story, whatever you want to call it. THEY KNOW THE TRUTH! They are great boys, they do not hate, because I have taught them not to hate, I have taught them to forgive, but never forget, and to try to be open minded and realize everyone has a reason for the things that they do. Their reasoning may not always be agreed upon, but we are not to judge. Someday, they will know his reasons, and I pray that they can forgive.

The boys LOVE their step daddy, what a horrible word to describe such an amazing man. The love and strength that he has instilled in them is beyond anything I ever imagined. He has helped them set goals, helped me raise them even better than I have been. Chaz has his first job, and starts within the next few weeks...Colt is weighing his options for college or military career...my boys are growing up!!

The cool thing is that my boys still have a lot of "firsts" ahead of them, and I cannot wait to share more with them.

I love you Chaz & Colt!!! You are the best sons a mom could ask for. I am so proud to have you call me mom.

Jumping off my soap box now =)